The Key to Personal Change is Yourself, not Your Circumstances

Do you ever imagine a better you?

I hope the answer is yes, not because the you of now is someone we don’t like, but because a better you is possible.

I hope that this better you isn’t just one that helps old ladies across the street, although please feel free. I am referring to the you of your dreams.

The you that you see when you let go of all of your present circumstances and let your imagination out of it’s cage so that it can soar as high as the clouds. That you.

The one that knows no limits. The one that believes the impossible.

Maybe a 20 pound lighter you. Or a the recently promoted you. Maybe it’s the “I just got into law school” you or the loving parent who is patient and kind you.

Even better, maybe it’s the you who does a work that you love. Waking up on Monday morning is a delight instead of a chore because you have the privilege of doing an important work that you are good at. The you that makes a difference in the world.

I’m talking about that you.

photo by Camil Tulcan (Creative Commons)

Whatever that better you looks like, it’s not who you are now is it?

Have you tried, only to become frustrated? Have you set new goals, only to see them forgotten?

To understand the reasons you fail, you first have to understand where you place the blame. Do you blame others? Your circumstances?

Or do you blame yourself?

So many view their circumstances as impossible. There are too many difficulties preventing you from becoming the other you.

There may be some truth to the idea that there are formidable external forces that affect the outcome of your efforts.

Many focus on the environment. They move. They quit one job to start another. They switch churches. They find new friends. They end one relationship hoping to find happiness in another. They buy a new car, this time one that is more expensive.

But the only way to ever change is to stop looking at everything around you and start looking at yourself. The goal of blaming you is to change you. And you are the only thing you can change.

It is both an incredibly simple, but challengingly complex idea.

• Instead of blaming your boss, determine how you can do your current job better.
• Instead of blaming your spouse or your kids, become more patient and more loving.
• Instead of blaming the teacher, study more.
• Instead of blaming your readers, write better copy.
• Instead of blaming others who don’t acknowledge you, work harder and do better work.
• Instead of blaming your finances, buy less stuff that doesn’t make you happy anyways.
• Instead of blaming genetics, blame your decisions.

Accepting the blame in order to change requires humility. It requires accepting responsibility, even when it isn’t completely your fault. It requires the ability to choose how you act instead of merely responding based on how you feel.

As long as you choose to let your environment determine who you are, this better you will remain a dream and nothing more.

The problem isn’t out there. It is inside.

Do you blame others or are you trying to change yourself? Leave a comment.