2 Questions to Ask when you Are Afraid to Commit

You know you should, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. You know that it would a good idea, maybe even a great idea, but you can’t get yourself to say yes.

So you just walk away. Afraid.

This old, tired story that gets told too many times in our lives.

photo by Memphis CVB (Creative Commons)

The Love Story

The story is familiar. A boy and a girl in love. They smile. They laugh. When they are together, time stands still.

Sometimes they cry, but this time the tears fall on someone else’s shoulders.

Together they are better than they are alone. They are young and in love and nothing matters more to them than each other.

For the first time the rest of the world fades away. Yesterday is forgotten. Tomorrow is of no concern. All that matters is now.

But the time comes when they both know something else has to happen. Something more. When he looks in her eyes, he can see it.

Her eyes tell him the truth he already knows. It is time to kneel in the snow. To take her hand. To look even deeper into those eyes. So deep he can see her soul.

And then to give her the greatest gift he can. To give her his life.

He knows it is time to commit. For forever.

But the old story is told again. He quits calling. He finds other ways to spend his time. He avoids. Her tears fall on the ground once more.

He stops looking into those incriminating, beautiful big blue eyes.

What holds him back? What keeps him from asking the big question?

If you ask, he might say that he is afraid of commitment.

Merely an Excuse

If this isn’t your story, you know someone who has told it. And you have lived it out in some form in your life.

• Writing your book.
• Giving your 2 week notice.
• Calling the adoption agency.
• Submitting the application for the mission trip.
• Applying for the business loan.
• Asking the girl out.
• Making the big decision.

Even though you know what you should do, and what you need to do, you wait. You stall. You avoid.

Afraid to commit.

Except that you commit to numerous other things in your life.

That same guy who can’t commit to the girl, has endless paraphernalia dedicated to his favorite sports team.

That same guy is able to show up to work every day.

That same guy will eat pizza three days a week.

That same guy has a tattoo on his arm. A decision that will never go away.

He is committed.

What he is really afraid of, is committing to something that will be difficult. Committing to something that is demanding. He is afraid of giving up control. Of handing his life over to someone else.

All of us have commitments. All of us are passionate.

We are committed to staying safe. We are committed to what we are used to. We are committed to the things that let us hide who we really are.

Commit to Something Better

The way we convince ourselves to commit to these harder ideals in life is to make the commitment to something bigger and better.

With every decision ask two questions.

1. Will this help me write a better story with my life?

2. Is this commitment for the good of others?

If you answer yes to both, then the commitment is most likely one of the most important things you can be doing with your life.

We must stop living the tired story of fear of commitment and step in to a story of purpose for our lives. A purpose of hard work. A purpose of living through something hard but good. A purpose of service. A purpose of generosity.

A purpose of love.

And if we choose to tell these stories. If we sense that we have been made to live something more than what we are. We will have to make a commitment to something impossible.

We will have to believe something possible. We will have to take a leap of faith.

Stop being so committed to a life that makes you happy. Start committing to using your life to make others happy.

Are you afraid of commitment? Are you afraid of committing to something difficult?

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